To be a living sacrifice will involve all my time. God wants me to live every minute for Him in accordance with His will and purpose, sixty minutes of every hour, twenty-four hours of every day, being available to Him. No time can be considered as my own, or as “off-duty” or “free”. I cannot barter with God about how much time I can give to serve Him. Whatever I am doing, be it a routine salaried job, or housework at home, be it holiday time and free, or after-work Christian youth activities, all should be undertaken for Him, to reveal His indwelling presence to those around me. To be a living sacrifice will involve all my possessions. Everything that I have is in trust, be it financial or material. All should be available to God for the furtherance of His Kingdom. My money is His… I must look to Him for guidance in its use, with no sense that a certain percentage is my own by right of labor. I relinquish that right to Him. He has the right to direct the spending of each penny. To be a living sacrifice will involve all of myself. My will and my emotions, my health and vitality, my thinking and activities, all are to be available to God, to be employed as He chooses, to reveal Himself to others. Should He see that someone would be helped to know Him through my being ill, I accept ill health and weakness. I have no right to demand what we call good health… All rights are His — to direct my living so that He can most clearly reveal Himself through me. I gladly accept His best will for my life… I need to be so utterly God’s that He can use me or hide me, as He chooses, as an arrow in His hand or in His quiver. I will ask no questions: I relinquish all rights to Him, who desires my supreme good. He knows best.
I have to learn to persevere in the race He has set before me, drawing my strength only from Him, and not relying at all on what I may consider any natural abilities I may have. I have to let God take from me even that strength which I thought I had in order that He may more fully reveal His own strength: in order that He may continue in me the work of conforming me to the image of His Son. Paul said: "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). This death-life, as seen in the imagery of the stripping of the branch to create the arrow, may appear to be full of sacrifices, and thus be a costly disciple. Yet as our Lord Himself told us, there is no other way to the fullness of the abundant life that He would pour into us: "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it abundantly" (John 10:10), and again: "Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain" (John 12:24). I long to be kept by God in an attitude of willing surrender so that He can go on to perfect that which concerns me; so that He can go on stripping and whittling and sandpapering until He is content with the new arrow He is creating. Crucifixion, the death-to-self life, must surely be seen by us all as costly, but the abundant life that He wishes to bestow on each can only be seen as unutterable privilege. "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory" (2 Corinthians 4:17).
I found I had to accept His strength, through forgiveness and cleansing, for all my weakness. I had to recognize and acknowledge that in me (as well as in others whom I see around me) lies no good thing, apart from His indwelling presence. Only as I am daily willing for Him to crucify the self-life, the capital "I", can He live in and through me in His own triumphant, victorious life. So often I seem to have to learn lessons over and over again. Yet God is so graciously willing to go on teaching, so patiently waiting to fill and overflow with His daily enabling by His indwelling Holy Spirit.
I began to realize the truth of Philippians 4:19, "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." It was true on all levels, not just for financial issues, nor yet only for spiritual mysteries on an exalted plane, but also for everyday, down-to-earth emotional needs of soul and body. As I began to move out of "feelings" and on to "facts," I realized that He was satisfying me, not only with an inner assurance of salvation and forgiveness, but also with a reality of love and depth of companionship that actually took from me, at that time, any sense of need or loneliness. Christ was truly becoming my "sufficiency": I was learning to love Him with all my soul.
To love the Lord my God with all my strength might, paradoxically, mean to love Him wholly in my weakness. By giving to Him what I thought of as my strength, realizing my actual weakness, He could then demonstrate His real strength. "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9) took on new meaning. It was often far from pleasant, this learning process. I learned the frightening weakness of fear during the five months of rebel captivity, and it took an African brother, Basuana, to teach me to accept deliverance from fear by faith in the unshakeable Word of God. I learned that Christ could keep me calm and fill me with His peace, even while a storm of fear raged all around me.