Lord, Shine Your Light
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts, and see if there is any wicked way in me... and lead me in the way everlasting”
We read this prayer of the psalmist David, and deep within us something says, “amen”. It should, as the desire to surrender more of our heart should be the earnest desire of every Christian. Yet, often times we forget the cost of what it means for Him to “try me,” “test me”, and for Him to “see if there is any wicked way in me”. Everything that is worthwhile comes at a price. Do we just say that we want the Lord to permeate more deeply in us, or do we actually mean it? Do we just say, “Lord, test my and try me”, or do we seriously want Him to? If we mean it from the depths of our heart, then we must be ready for Him to (1) expose us - expose our weaknesses, expose our failures, and expose all the aspects of our life in which the flesh prevails, and then – most importantly - we must be willing to (2) humble ourselves and obey Him, following His righteous judgement in our hearts.
There is something profound in the way God works, which we should not be negligent about. As Christians, we often pray for faith, saying “Lord, strengthen our faith – Lord give us more faith,” or we pray for patience, for a deeper love for His people, and for many virtues such as these. The Lord, however, in His sovereignty and order, does not “magically” grant us faith. He does not typically give us a random excess of patience, or a true and deep love for the saints simply because we asked. He could, of course. But rather, in His sovereignty and grace, He provides the circumstances in our life such that we can cultivate faith, such that we can cultivate and grow in deeper love for the saints, and such that we can exercise and really test our patience. God is not a genie who needlessly provides; He is a loving Father who carefully and perfectly orchestrates every situation of our life, the good – but especially what we call ‘bad’ – to work in us, to mold us, to transform us, to expose ourselves to ourselves, to heal us, and through it all, to gain more of us.
We cannot say, “Lord, examine me, take more of me, gain more of me!” and then once He listens and responds to our cry, allowing a trial that is difficult in our life, often causing friction in our flesh and brokenness, we say “Why, Lord?” Have you considered; your situation may be the answer to what you prayed for?
A cancer patient who needs to undergo a thorough surgery is at the mercy of the Doctor in time of operation. God, the true Surgeon, needs neither our help nor our suggestions pertaining to the surgery – He simply needs our obedience, our cooperation, and our trusting that He knows best. We stand still, looking to Him as we allow Him to work in us.
Our prayer ought not to remain at “let this cup pass from me”, but rather, from the depths of our heart: “Father, not my will, but Yours be done.”
Search me, O God, and know my heart.